Because good things come in threes and because there is too much to contain in one post.
This isn’t the first Candice inspired blog update here. In fact, Candice and I used to have our own blog site and references to her are sprinkled in a ton of posts here. When I set about to write about Candice I thought a lot about tenses. It feels awkward to refer to Candice in the past tense.
I’ve had this narrative in my head that is mostly me just having a conversation with Candice. I don’t have any big regrets regarding my time with Candice, there’s no big outstanding thing I need to tell her. Candice knows/knew I love(d) her and I miss(ed) her dearly when I moved to Tempe. I even think she had some hint into the depth of how much she means to me and I think I mean(t) a lot to her too. Where the melancholy picks up is with the missing part. Mourning isn’t all that complicated when you’re in the middle of it, it requires a lot of you and then it becomes a little less emotionally challenging. The feeling of trauma starts to give a little and you can start functioning like a normal person. But nothing makes you stop missing the person. When it comes down to brass tacks, I really just miss her a whole heck of a lot.
Since Candice wandered off to go wherever you go when you die, my conversations with Candice are almost constant. Usually I think of something funny that we shared or that she would appreciate, then remind Candice that I miss her and it's barely conscious, I catch myself doing this. The conversation usually goes like this, “Dude, check out this ridiculous cover of Oprah Magazine, *sigh* I really miss you girl.” or “I met your sister and she’s so cool, I wish I could tell you that and then you'd be like, OMG girl...”. It’s not long drawn out discussions, basically just silly banter between the two of us that was sent back and forth through texts.
In fact, it’s hard not to write this without writing it directly to her. When I went back to re-read, I found the word “you” where there should be “Candice” more than once.
As I mentioned above, Candice and I used to blog together, it was a really short lived project aimed at healthier eating. We used to compete to see who would get full servings of 28 different fruits and vegetables in a week. The number 28 was from an anti-cancer study that was said to have anti-carcinogenic properties. And just to bring it back to food for my food blog, tonight I’m eating full servings of: tomato, arugula, crimini mushrooms, red peppers, zucchini, carrots, and blueberries. The veggies are in the pasta sauce and the blueberries are in the gin and tonic. When the two of us were doing The Dirty 28, I would have texted Candice this picture with a list of all of the things.
This isn’t the first Candice inspired blog update here. In fact, Candice and I used to have our own blog site and references to her are sprinkled in a ton of posts here. When I set about to write about Candice I thought a lot about tenses. It feels awkward to refer to Candice in the past tense.
I’ve had this narrative in my head that is mostly me just having a conversation with Candice. I don’t have any big regrets regarding my time with Candice, there’s no big outstanding thing I need to tell her. Candice knows/knew I love(d) her and I miss(ed) her dearly when I moved to Tempe. I even think she had some hint into the depth of how much she means to me and I think I mean(t) a lot to her too. Where the melancholy picks up is with the missing part. Mourning isn’t all that complicated when you’re in the middle of it, it requires a lot of you and then it becomes a little less emotionally challenging. The feeling of trauma starts to give a little and you can start functioning like a normal person. But nothing makes you stop missing the person. When it comes down to brass tacks, I really just miss her a whole heck of a lot.
Since Candice wandered off to go wherever you go when you die, my conversations with Candice are almost constant. Usually I think of something funny that we shared or that she would appreciate, then remind Candice that I miss her and it's barely conscious, I catch myself doing this. The conversation usually goes like this, “Dude, check out this ridiculous cover of Oprah Magazine, *sigh* I really miss you girl.” or “I met your sister and she’s so cool, I wish I could tell you that and then you'd be like, OMG girl...”. It’s not long drawn out discussions, basically just silly banter between the two of us that was sent back and forth through texts.
In fact, it’s hard not to write this without writing it directly to her. When I went back to re-read, I found the word “you” where there should be “Candice” more than once.
As I mentioned above, Candice and I used to blog together, it was a really short lived project aimed at healthier eating. We used to compete to see who would get full servings of 28 different fruits and vegetables in a week. The number 28 was from an anti-cancer study that was said to have anti-carcinogenic properties. And just to bring it back to food for my food blog, tonight I’m eating full servings of: tomato, arugula, crimini mushrooms, red peppers, zucchini, carrots, and blueberries. The veggies are in the pasta sauce and the blueberries are in the gin and tonic. When the two of us were doing The Dirty 28, I would have texted Candice this picture with a list of all of the things.
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